The ’10-Year Plan to End Homelessness’ at a glance:

NOTE: This was written to be tongue-in-cheek in the Asheville Disclaimer.  Sadly, because of the incompetencies and jealousies and inefficiency within the city government, this very well may be true.

Year One: Take away all their crack.

Year Two: Provide matching 401K to panhandlers.

Year Three: Distribute neckties and blazers (for women, blouses and sensible work shoes).

Year Four: Take away their crack again.

Year Five: Hire a highly trained Shakespearean acting coach to take the homeless and hammer them into well-oiled, finely tuned, professional thespians; Release them into the park and let them rake in the dough.

Year Six: How can they afford all this crack?

Year Seven: Pritchard Park Thunderdome: Two go in, one comes out.

Year Eight: Engage in spirited election-year finger-pointing about why this isn’t working.

Year Nine: Distribute funds in one-dollar increments so that all those people who are this close to being able to get out of town will get out of town.

Year Ten: Pat selves on back for making good progress on the newly revised “50-Year Plan to End Homelessness.”

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