NOTE: This was written to be tongue-in-cheek in the Asheville Disclaimer. Sadly, because of the incompetencies and jealousies and inefficiency within the city government, this very well may be true.
Year One: Take away all their crack.
Year Two: Provide matching 401K to panhandlers.
Year Three: Distribute neckties and blazers (for women, blouses and sensible work shoes).
Year Four: Take away their crack again.
Year Five: Hire a highly trained Shakespearean acting coach to take the homeless and hammer them into well-oiled, finely tuned, professional thespians; Release them into the park and let them rake in the dough.
Year Six: How can they afford all this crack?
Year Seven: Pritchard Park Thunderdome: Two go in, one comes out.
Year Eight: Engage in spirited election-year finger-pointing about why this isn’t working.
Year Nine: Distribute funds in one-dollar increments so that all those people who are this close to being able to get out of town will get out of town.
Year Ten: Pat selves on back for making good progress on the newly revised “50-Year Plan to End Homelessness.”