My thoughts on being a candy-ass-yuppie:

Every so often I’ll get an email from someone who is upset with me for saying “candy-ass-yuppies”.  Well, I’ve decied to explain what I mean when I say that, so if you’re a candy-ass-yuppie and/or easily offended or have a shaky self image, then I suggest you skip this post – it’s only for adults.

Still with me?  Ok then.

First, let’s begin with a definition.  I’ve searched around the web and found that the one from Nationmaster.com is the closest fit to what I’m thiking of when I say candy-ass-yuppie.  It reads:

“Yuppie,” short for “Young Urban Professional,” describes a demographic of people generally between their late twenties and early thirties. Yuppies tend to hold jobs in the professional sector, with incomes that place them in the upper-middle economic class.

The term “Yuppie” emerged in the 1980s as an echo of the earlier “hippies” and “yippies” who had rejected the materialistically-oriented values of the business community. Syndicated newspaper columnist Bob Greene is generally credited having coined the term “Yuppie” in one of his columns in the early 1980s.

Events and trends The 1980s marked an abrupt shift towards more conservative lifestyles after the momentous cultural revolutions which took place in the 1960s and 1970s and the definition of the AIDS virus in 1981. …

The term is often used pejoratively, with an emphasis on the connotations of “yuppies” as selfish and superficial.”

That’s pretty good. Now here’s my definition – emphasis on pejorative.

“Yuppie” used to mean “Young Upcoming Urban Professional”.  Now it means a group of people regardless of age, politics or class who demonstrate certain characteristics.

1. If they ever worked a day in their life – they forgot all about it.

2. More interested in the quality of their chardonnay than the quality of their public schools.

3. Take from the community but never give back. Yuppies think paying taxes fulfills their obligations as citizens. Most commonly seen in gentrified neighborhoods.

4. Over schedule their children’s lives and treat the little tykes as accessories or barometers of their own self worth.

5.  Think money is the answer to everything.

6. Spiritually retarded infants – The pursue spirituality which is disconnected with any sense of social responsibility.  The run to gurus or the new age con artists who are just recycling old traditions and tell people what they WANT to hear – not what they NEED to hear.

7.  They treat people as though they are disposable.  (Waiters, sex partners, colleagues, etc.)

8. They are only nice to people when they want something

9. Very seldom say “please” or “thank you”…except when they want something (see #8).

10.  In general, YUPPIES are very rude!

11.  Talk almost nonstop about money and possessions – what they have and what they want.

12. Think nice people are suckers.

13. Try to convince you how honest they are while they’re cheating on their spouses, taxes, exams and in general take credit for the ideas of other people.

14. They seem to know the price of everything and the value of nothing.

Some caveats:

1. Just because a person’s rich or upwardly mobile doesn’t mean they’re a Yuppie. There are plenty of wealthy people who are kind, polite, generous, and take interest in other people and their community.

2. Ambition, competitiveness, and invention are good things so long as long as they are not pursued solely for their own sake.

3. You don’t have to be rich to be a Yuppie. But it helps.

4. Yuppies can change and often do. Time is a brutal teacher.

So, in short I define a yuppie as a: rude, brand name dropping, self centered, impatient, spiritually stunted, obsessive catalog reading, materialistic, emotional dwarf who doesn’t care an iota how other people feel or think.

I hope that clear things up.

But if you read this and it pissed you off – too bad. I’m not here to blow sunshine off your ass.

Some people take the stuff they read in my blog WAY to personally.

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