Yah…you read it right. I’m ready to die. Now don’t go calling the cops and telling them you have a suicide on your hands…that’s not what I mean by “I’m ready to die”.
Here’s what I mean. I’m content. My life has been full. I’ve loved and lost and loved and lost and if I live long enough, I’ll love again.
I’ve not only been to the mountaintop of life…but I’ve gone storming down the other side…crashing through the canebrake, charging through the jungle until I’ve broken into the clearing and have watched the morning sun burn off the dew.
I’ve been falsely accused of things by people that thought they were “doing God’s will”. I’ve been pestered and bothered by people who never took the time to know the real me…only their perception of me.
I’ve seen Paris at midnight, watched the changing of the guard at Buckingham Palace, thrown coins into Trevi Fountain, and sat out a rainstorm at the amazing Angkor Wat Temple.
I’m 50 something years old, just had quadruple bypass surgery and now I’m looking to ride 1500 miles with the Fuller Center in the north to south bike run this summer. I’m gonna live until I die.
I can talk to anybody about anything. I’ve only been speechless three times in my life: 1) When I first held my baby daughter, 2) When I saw Becky walk down the aisle at our wedding 30+ years ago, and 3) Anytime Elizabeth smiles at me.
I’ve lived in community and I’ve learned to put other people’s thoughts, feelings, desires, hopes, fears and dreams before my own. I’ve learned that war is not the answer; we only have one spaceship Earth, so we’d better take better care of it and injustice to one anywhere is injustice to all everywhere.
I’m not a preppy type guy…never was, never will be. I’ll never be a wimpy attorney who hides behind a woman at the first sign of perceived danger. My outfits will probably never match and I’ll always look more like Grizzly Adams than Dobie Gillis.
But….
I’m ready to die tonight.
I can die happy and content. If Mark Twain was right, I can look back on my life without regrets. Good ol’ Mark said, “In twenty years it’s not the things that you did that you’ll regret…it’s the things you didn’t do”. I’ve done just about everything I’ve wanted to do. If it felt good, tasted good, or smelled good…hell, I probably did it twice.
Remember Frank Sinatra? One of my favorite songs includes this verse:
And now, the end is here
And so I face the final curtain
My friend, I’ll say it clear
I’ll state my case, of which I’m certain
I’ve lived a life that’s full
I traveled each and ev’ry highway
And more, much more than this, I did it my way
JourneyAmerica 
Good blog
ive lived it all some i cant mention so i bid you a fond farewell!!
I agree I may not have done the same things as you but i too am ready to die
I’m ready to die too. Just in a different way. I should have never been here in the first place. Good you’ve had that kind of life.
I’m 100% with you tonight… although i’ve been at the most glorious of heights the soul can reach and depths as well… I’ve loved so very much, just one for most of my life, i’m hurting now that he’s gone from this world we’re on, and after a year and a half, it’s still hurting regularly, yes
i’ve see Paris at Midnight and St.Petersburg at 3am on June 21st, also have seen many Wats, albeit not Ankor. And i’ve miss the changing of the guards, but did wander hours through the house of Sir John Soan not far from there…. I’ve gotten high on spirit and on weeds and loved and love so many dear people, and am about to start the 60s. But with these wars and needless deaths, and the stupidity of those of us who choose to elect some real bozos to help govern us…. it still hurts.
I’m hoping soon i can see some real color to life again soon, those amazing almost unreal colors that show up on the beach at sunset in Nice, or the most remarkable million pinks & blues that stripe the sky
when i cross the bridge to Palo Alto to take care of my babies/patients at work. I’m in fear of not being able to go back to work, to be strong enough to stand up and enjoy my coworkers and my work for the eight hours of my commitment, let along enjoy a friend or two afterward. Some how there is a way to strengthen this right hip that has refused to cooperate since early in 1992, and the pain that becomes nearly impossible to withstand at times… pain meds or not.
I still want to live and live well, not with money, but people i love and experiences worth sharing and sharing again….. I’m struggling tonight and I am ready to die tonight if that is what will be for me… but there is always much more, and in my 59 1/2 years, i dearly hope i’ve influenced enough other people to go and explore and love and eat and smell, and caress, and respect, and stand in awe of this great planet and all the beauty it still contains and all the wonder……. Much Love.
graciasol
If you are still here to see this blog my heart is so with you .. my mother passed away in January and without warning my husband of 38 years died Oct 26th. We have 10 grandchildren from our four adult children. But really I am so tired.. I have no more zest for life… my life has been one of giving non stop.. i am just tired. I don’t even know how to live for myself. I don’t know where to begin… I am living these days knowing this is the last Thanksgiving Last Christmas.. things will change in 2010 and it looks like I will make the change… I have to figure out a way to end it all… just too tired… too too tired….
with me its like i look at the world and sense religon war politics enviromental isssues all swelling up and i feel like whenever i plan for the future theresno point asthis lifewill end andsomehting will stop me
ijust feel like in this life i face to much doubt and i hope in the next
idunno man idont even think i want to live forveer if there is a heaven
i justwana stop exsiting no thoughts no memory no nothingg idunno
im found my heads screwd on i pray
but im still lost take carex
wow i thought before i read this it was going to be some emo suicide note, but i envy you. youve lived a great life and if i were lucky enough to die with no regrets i would be happy
Life is beautifully twisted. Untwist it to enjoy it.
Life = Time.
Time is not money and Money is not life.. Although its important.
What people think is not real…Real things can not be seen or touched but can be felt immensely..
I’ve seen myself and have no more pursuit or searches anymore.. I have no questions to anyone…
“Learn to live a lifetime in a moment otherwise a lifetime won’t be enough to live a moment”
– Globezen.
you have no idea but you saved my life thank you stranger
I do see the point of life, it is beautiful. I don’t see the point of life when you are always faced with crap problems. What is the point? Why do some people get put on earth to face problems day after day? Eventhough they work hard to climb out of problems. I’m one of them. I think life is great without issues. Everyday I face a problem, and disrespect life even more. I am just tired and if it is my turn to go, I would be more than happy to leave.
Wow, that certainly was a moving and memorable piece. i too am ready to meet my maker, i know its my time to go just waiting. im 19, have battled major depression, autism, aspergers and numerous other things for years. my two children are in care, my family are always berating me, i have more enemies than a timer has grains of sand. i’ve been beaten, assaulted, battered, abused, taken advantage of more times than i can remember. i’ve grieved, loved, lost, hated, dreaded etc. i havent travelled the world but god gave me two wonderful kids so im content. i just want to pass on in peace. i dont want a funeral. id rather be remembered for what i did wrong. my failures, regrets, wrong choices, outweigh the good there once was inside. thank you for that post it made me realise that i must make peace before the journey out. xx
Nice read. I to feel i am ready to die. I am 19. I don’t want to die because of depression, broken heart ect or whatever. I just simply don’t think that this world is for me. Its not my style. Idk how to properly explain how i feel. I want to be in a place i feel like i belong. A world/realm without lies, and violence, and bad people. A world where everyone loves each other and live in unity. A world of spiritual evolution, love, and peace. It will never happen here. This world has gone to far down the hole and there is no way back up. The only way to escape this hole of sorrow and despair that planet earth has become is in death in witch we will evolve into higher beings. I look forward to the other side and hope to see you all there. Your all beautiful souls and we shall all be with each other in the end.
Well, I am not going to say I’m ready to die. I’ll let my creator decide that date for me. I am ready to live – – have been for quite a number of years now. I’ve been struck by lightening at least 4 times that I am certain of, and been scorching close enough on too many other occassions to count. I’ve wrecked on motorcycles while fying down the highway at just below light speed, and flipped full size sedans off the side of mountains, taking the tops out of full grown trees while tumbling through the canopy to the base below. None of this had I planned or even contemplated. But by the sheer grace of God, I am here, able to tell my life’s story to anyone willing to listen. I guess after all the attempts at dying I’ve came close to, I should be ready. But like the ol’ Walt Disney character, “Jiminey Cricket” would sing: “I’m no fool..no sir ree, Im gonna live to be 103”. Well, I hope at least 101 !
Really interesting comments. It just occurred to me yesterday that if I died tomorrow it would be ok. I am 49 years old and I have lived a very full life. Grew up until the age of 12 in a very small town. Lived like Hucklebery Finn!! Moved to the city when I was 13 with my family. Parents were dirt poor, so the instant I got to the big city I started working. Had over 75 jobs in my entire life….Paperboy, sold ice cream from a peddle cart, put labels on honey jars, sold everything you can imagine door to door, flipped burgers, waited tables, drove a bus, was even an exotic dancer when I was 24 years old! Had a few short-lived girlfriends when I was a teenager, but never did date the girls I really wanted….Too afraid to approach them. That is one of very few regrets. Was involved in a little crime for a short time…..One incident could have landed me in prison for a time. just lucky that I didn’t get caught. Was a professional entertainer and did stand up comedy for a few years. When I was 30 years old I got married to someone who I thought was the most beautiful woman I ever laid eyes on. In my eyes she was perfect in every way! Just what I was looking for. Be careful what you wish for though…..Turns out she expected me to be perfect too. Marriage lasted 10 years. The first year was amazing, the next 5 were filled with pregnancies and children. Three beautiful children to be precise. Started my own successful business a few years after that. My wife left me for “financial reasons” and almost immediately after that I became a millionaire. She hinted at reconciliation, but I realized I was much better off without her. The next ten years were the best of my life!!!! Took vacations by myself or with my children all over the world!! Europe, Hawaii, Carribean, Spring training baseball in Phoenix every year, and Las Vegas over 40 times!!! Had several girlfriends along the way, but not interested in ever getting married again. Been there, done that. All in all it has been a hell of a ride!! In the last few months I have faced some struggles however. Primarily my oldest daughter who is 17 years old is a drug addict. Not just one drug, all of them. My children live with me full time and I feel like maybe I have given them too much freedom and spoiled them too much. I feel like maybe if I wasn’t here they would go back and live with their mother and her new husband and perhaps be better off. I have tried very hard to be there for everyone in my life, but aside from my parents, I really feel like no one has ever been there for me. I tell myself and anyone who asks that I prefer to be alone. But that’s not true. I just shut myself in because I have learned to trust no one. I give and give all the time. I don’t expect anything in return, but it would be nice if I could find one person in my life who is as giving as I am, and believes in unconditional love. I feel like I am done with all this now. And I believe without a doubt that my soul lives forever and everything would be alright if I left this world. This is not by any means a suicide note, but maybe, just maybe I won’t be so careful when I walk across the street anymore:).
Hi i’m Brandon and im only im happy to say im ready to die Im not going to kill my self im just saying that im ready for heaven my life is a diaster my mom had me at age 14 and she left me with my grandma and to this day I live with my grandma but we argue and fight and my birth day is december 10th and for my birth day my dad came and took me to laser rock and he said he will visit on christmas and guess what it’s April 26th 2013 and he has never called or visited or anyhing my mom is preganant with another bumb and they got in a huge argument and broke up so my mom moved back to my house and we also argue and fight and im struggling in school and my grandma constantly mocks me and makes fun of me one day I almost snapped and attacked her but I didn’t I have hardly any friends and me and my former best friend don’t talk anymore and my life is really cursed so I think it’s safe to say “IM READY TO DIE”.
Hey Brandon, I haven’t been on here for a while and I just checked these posts today. I am ponyboy, I commented on here right above you. Sounds like life has dealt you a bad hand so far. I have a theory on that, but that’s another story. I always think there are reasons for people making connections, and for some reason your story really made an impression on me. You are so honest and vulnerable with your comments on your post here. I don’t know how old you are, but I want you to know that I can relate to your troubles. I think a lot of people can. I am not trying to minimize your situation but i will say this…..A lot of things have happened in my life since I posted my message on here. A lot of really good things!!! Sometimes in life we have really difficult times, but believe me when I tell you that if we didn’t have those difficult times, we wouldn’t enjoy the good times. Also, I know it’s a cliche but it is true…What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. I’m assuming I am much older than you, but when I look back at the tough times in my life, I know that without them I would not have made it this far. Brandon, try to use all the challenges in your life as a lesson. Learn from those things. Don’t be a father like your father was, don’t look for women like your mother to date or marry, and don’t listen to people, whoever they are who mock you or criticize you. One thing I have learned in life is that the people who try to bring people down in this world are themselves the ones with the most problems. It was a long time ago in my life that I made the decision to never associate with negative or hurtful people in my life, and since then I have been much happier. yes, I have had my dark periods. One of those periods was when I wrote my post on this message board. But that dark period did not last long, and as I said things are much better now. Hang in there Brandon and feel free to message me on here if you want.
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I have been praying for God to take me for some time now. I guess he has plans for me. I have serious medical issues with more organ damage each year and take narcotic pain pills regularly to help but I’ve had enough. You know. You just know. Nothing else matters – not the bank account, how the car is running, how much the kitchen sparkles, if your family or friends are ok. Oh, I love them and always wish them well but I’m not worried about them anymore. Nothing matters. I am very ready to die. Just waiting for God to be ready too. Suicide is the ultimate sin though. Unfortunately, I have to keep going each day and doing the things that I think God would want me to do. Hopefully he takes me soon. The whole “rejoice and be glad in” the days that God has made is the part where I am failing God. Each morning I wake up, I think “Oh crap! Still here.” I feel at peace, though, knowing that there is an end to this life some day and a beginning to a wonderful one when God decides it is time.
i am ready to die because my husband is dead