I’m Ready to Die

Yah…you read it right.  I’m ready to die.  Now don’t go calling the cops and telling them you have a suicide on your hands…that’s not what I mean by “I’m ready to die”.

Here’s what I mean.  I’m content.  My life has been full.  I’ve loved and lost and loved and lost and if I live long enough, I’ll love again.

I’ve not only been to the mountaintop of life…but I’ve gone storming down the other side…crashing through the canebrake, charging through the jungle until I’ve broken into the clearing and have watched the morning sun burn off the dew.

I’ve been falsely accused of things by people that thought they were “doing God’s will”.  I’ve been pestered and bothered by people who never took the time to know the real me…only their perception of me.

I’ve seen Paris at midnight, watched the changing of the guard at Buckingham Palace, thrown coins into Trevi Fountain, and sat out a rainstorm at the amazing Angkor Wat Temple.

I’m 50 something years old, just had quadruple bypass surgery and now I’m looking to ride 1500 miles with the Fuller Center in the north to south bike run this summer.  I’m gonna live until I die.

I can talk to anybody about anything.  I’ve only been speechless three times in my life: 1) When I first held my baby daughter, 2) When I saw Becky walk down the aisle at our wedding 30+ years ago, and 3) Anytime Elizabeth smiles at me.

I’ve lived in community and I’ve learned to put other people’s thoughts, feelings, desires, hopes, fears and dreams before my own.  I’ve learned that war is not the answer; we only have one spaceship Earth, so we’d better take better care of it and injustice to one anywhere is injustice to all everywhere.

I’m not a preppy type guy…never was, never will be.  I’ll never be a wimpy attorney who hides behind a woman at the first sign of perceived danger.  My outfits will probably never match and I’ll always look more like Grizzly Adams than Dobie Gillis.

But….

I’m ready to die tonight.

I can die happy and content.  If Mark  Twain was right, I can look back on my life without regrets.  Good ol’ Mark said, “In twenty years it’s not the things that you did that you’ll regret…it’s the things you didn’t do”.  I’ve done just about everything I’ve wanted to do.  If it felt good, tasted good, or smelled good…hell, I probably did it twice.

Remember Frank Sinatra?  One of my favorite songs includes this verse:

And now, the end is here
And so I face the final curtain
My friend, I’ll say it clear
I’ll state my case, of which I’m certain
I’ve lived a life that’s full
I traveled each and ev’ry highway
And more, much more than this, I did it my way